"The secret to a happy life -- lessons from 8 decades 

of research

The happiest and healthiest people are those who have warm connections with others, says psychiatrist 

Robert Waldinger, who leads the Harvard Study of Adult Development -- one of the longest-running studies 

of adult life ever conducted. Exploring the crucial link between social bonds and quality of life, he shares 

wisdom and insights into how to identify and strengthen the relationships that impact your well-being most. 

When it comes to the people in your inner circle, "Turn toward the voices that make you feel more open

 and more inclusive," he says. (This conversation, hosted by TED current affairs curator Whitney Pennington

 Rodgers, was part of an exclusive TED Membership event. 

Visit ted.com/membership to become a TED Member.)

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Well, one of the best theories, for which there's now some pretty good evidence, is based on the idea of stress. That, as we know, stress is an inevitable part of all of our lives. Stress happens to us every day. And what we find is that good relationships turn out to be stress regulators. So let me give you an example. Let's say that I have something upsetting happen to me during the day,and I find myself, like, ruminating about it and really thinking about it and unhappy. I can feel my body go into what we call fight or flight response where literally my heart rate goes up and I might start sweating a little bit and I'm just not feeling as well. Now, what we're meant to do is to come back to equilibriumwhen a stressor goes away. That's the way the body is supposed to work. But what happens if I go home at the end of my upsetting day and I have somebody to talk to? Either I can call someone on the phone or it's somebody I live with. I can literally feel my body calm down. I can feel that fight or flight response subside.

But what if I don't have anybody to go home to? What if there's nobody I can call? What we find is that people who are isolated, are lonely, don't have those stress regulators that we get from good relationships and that we stay in chronic fight or flight mode, that our bodies have this chronic stress, chronic levels of inflammation and circulating stress hormones that wear away our happiness and break down different body systems.

Well, what kinds of relationships seem essential to well-being?And this is interesting. We asked people who were our original participants in our study. We asked them, Who could you call in the middle of the night if you were sick or scared? And many of our people could list several other people they could call if they were in trouble. Some people couldn't list anyone. There wasn't a person on the planet who they could turn to if they were sick or scared. And what we find is that having at least one person in your life who you feel really has your back, who you could go to if you were in trouble, that's essential for maintaining our happiness and our health. When we asked these same people, when they got to be in their 80s, to look back on their lives and to tell us what they were proudest of, almost everybody said something about their relationships. They didn't say, "I made a lot of money"or "I won some big awards." They said, "I was a good mentor," "I was a good friend," "I raised healthy kids," "I was a good partner."And so what we find is that what seems to mean the most to people when they get to the end of their lives is the strength and the warmth of their connections to others."

WHAT IF?

    What if Russian soldiers presently risking their lives for the benefit of the rich Oligarchy in Russia, are offered amnesty and Ukrainian citizenship with a chance to live within a free Democracy? Would they accept the offer? Apparently yes! The Wagner group are not fighting for Putin's government, they are fighting for basic freedom from Russian prisons.

    What if every Russian soldier who puts down his weapon and changes sides, is provided with a new apartment and Ten Thousand Euros along with a Ukrainian citizenship passport? He or she would obtain these benefits by dropping their weapons and accepting Ukraine as an independent country. They could also find work rebuilding the country. 

   What would be Putin's reaction? What would be the consequence to his war effort? 

   Being forced to go into the Ukraine to kill or be killed for the benefit of One Man and his rich friends, is not something any thinking person would do! Young Russian people are given a horrible choice!! Join the Russian army or end up in a Russian prison.

   They could die in a Siberian Gulag or face almost certain death on the Ukraine battle field! They need a third option.

  Russian soldiers will not get rich by invading Ukraine and looting bombed out houses of innocent people! However, as new Ukrainian citizens they could have a chance at a better life!

  In this foolish war thousands of young people on both sides will die for nothing! Absolutely nothing! If however, Russian soldiers are given the chance to change sides for major benefits and a new life, it would benefit everybody and it would hasten an end to this horrifying war!! I suggest the Ukraine government use drones to drop information leaflets asking Russian soldiers if they would like to change sides without risk to their lives. All a Russian soldier would need for a safe transfer is to drop his weapon and wave the leaflet in the air. I believe, and I may be wrong: the first soldiers to change sides would be from the Wagner group. ////

Apparently I was correct. 

N. J. R.

Status is online

Nelson Raglione:Old and retired but still managing director at The world friendly peace and ecology movement.

3 minutes ago

How about we talk about Pump and Dump? The system by which very rich companies who are listed on the Stock Market, use bank consultants to sucker in small time investors.
Tesla is a good example! Tesla is absolutely the best company on Earth at this moment and they are listed on the Stock Exchange. During the last few years, as the company grew, so did it's potential value. It went soaring up on the exchange as investment managers kept pumping up the stock price until the balloon burst...but not before they and surprise, Tesla's big boss himself, Elon Musk, sold out or "dumped" the stock. He claimed he needed the cash for paying taxes but what about the thousands of "Pumpers" working as investment brokers and councillors? They have "sucker" lists of small time and naive investors (I am on one of those lists) who are simply trying to save for old age and basic survival? 
I invested in Tesla stock hoping to win enough money to buy a Tesla vehicle because like thousands of other idealists, I wanted to help clean up the planet. I did not know about Pump and Dump! I lost 40.000 Dollars and will not be able to pay for a Tesla vehicle. Apparently the Big Boss did not realize that by dumping his stock, he was shooting himself in the foot. How many others like me will not be able to buy a Tesla in the near future? I am on the list for buying a Cyber-truck but a large junk of my savings has disappeared!
Any comments? 
Signed: Nelson Joseph Raglione.